the wisdom of the womb, and the power of the divine feminine to heal herself.

Scroll down to the bottom of this letter for Yoni Steam Ritual Instructions

In February 2023, I learned that there are 5 small fibroids taking up space on the inner wall of my uterus. These are called submucosal uterine fibroids.

This revelation occurred during a routine visit to a new gynecologist. I was laid on my back in her softly illuminated examination room with my attention fixed on the sonogram that unveiled a behind-the-scenes view of my womb. In Oaxaca, where I’ve been living the last 3 years, it is common practice for a routine gyno appointment to involve either a vaginal or a topical ultrasound. This was new for me since I had never had one in the US, and never thought to request one either. 

There she was, my womb, a mysterious portal of divine feminine intelligence, perfectly whole and round, flattened onto a 2-D image. 

Our brief encounter lasted only about five minutes. The doctor removed the probe from the top of my abdomen and handed me a paper towel to clean off the gel-like substance she had applied earlier. I longed for more solitary time with my womb, away from the doctor's presence, where I could truly connect with her and attune to her essence. I sensed her depth, expansiveness, and magnetic aura. On the 2-D sonogram, I felt that I wasn't seeing the full truth of her profound existence, as though she were veiling her real identity.

I consider the womb to be the space between worlds; bridging the formless and material realms. A reservoir of mystical power distributing Soul to planet earth. She is a “miraculous blending of spirit and matter”. A divine manifestation of source energy. It is actually quite unfathomable to truly comprehend all that she knows.

So why wouldn’t we hold her with more reverence?

Because gynecology has roots in patriarchal and colonial consciousness. From that framework, the womb is a commodity, something to be controlled. This is the exact reason my spirit guided me to Oaxaca: to heal & purify my womb on indigenous soil.

In hindsight, I feel as though my womb had planned her big reveal perfectly. Since 2020, when I was still living in New York City, she had been whispering and communicating with me that something was not quite right. 

It all began when I started to have back-to-back dreams about my vagina and womb that were actually quite disturbing. I committed myself to connecting with her to find out what these dreams were all about. Through the elusiveness and ubiquitousness of my dreams, my womb’s consciousness was shocking me into awareness and initiating me onto a path of healing.

Image by Hillary Wilson

Before the dreams, I was having all the symptoms indicative of fibroids, such as, heavy bleeding, lower back pain, prolonged bloating, enlarged abdominal area, and frequent urination. I was lost as to how to resolve the issue, but more so, I lacked awareness about what I was experiencing in the first place.

The dreams continued even after I arrived in Oaxaca, and stopped when I met Sandra, a womb healer, and keeper of the feminine mysteries. The divine timing of our meeting felt so perfect, and I intuitively felt that we had been guided to each other.

Deep within our wombs lie the memories of our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers, weaving a tapestry that transcends lifetimes and ancestral realms. At times, I awaken in this world with an eerie sense of déjà vu, as if my dreams and waking experiences at some point converged. These dreams unveil the stories of our ancestors—illuminating their identities, their tribulations, and the lingering unresolved narratives.

Sandra played a crucial role in helping me decode the ancestral stories imprinted within my womb. The womb, with its cyclical nature, gives birth to these narratives over and over again until we can acknowledge and fully process them. Guided by her expertise, I ventured into the depths of my womb to confront and disentangle myself from the echoes of the past. This process opened me up to the profound alchemy of transformation that becomes attainable in our lives as we clear our maternal lineage from these ancient tales, thus giving birth to the innocent crystalline Self once again.

After months of womb purification, I emerged from my healing portal with newfound strength and inner-radiance. I shed so much weight from the past, and my abdomen fell almost flat. I felt revitalized, as if I had reclaimed a significant part of my energy once unavailable to me. The weight of painful stories that had burdened my womb lessened, and the heaviness in my abdomen had considerably subsided, albeit not entirely vanished. Mood swings also became less frequent. I felt a sense of freedom, and that I had reclaimed more of myself.

I remember asking that doctor if it's possible to shrink fibroids, and she said no. I delight in knowing that despite her belief, she is not correct. I know in my heart of hearts that I’ve been shrinking my fibroids since 2018. I have a feeling that they were much larger because my belly would always be enlarged, protruding out beyond what made sense for my size and diet.

The moral of this story is that the womb has a consciousness; a reservoir of power buried deep within the recesses of our psyches. She has reawakened within me, activating a transformative journey that led me to Mexico for the purpose of healing. She aimed not only to heal me but to facilitate my self-remembrance by reintegrating womb consciousness into my female soul. Through this process, I came to understand that there exists a spiritual narrative behind the fibroids, an aspect that conventional medical practitioners could not diagnose but healers could.

Even though my conscious mind may not have fully comprehended it, my dreams served as a conduit for valuable insights, revealing an energetic imbalance occurring unbeknownst to me within my body. It underscored the significance of trusting my dreams and embracing the profound messages and insights they convey. Through my dreams, my womb sought to navigate and address deeply suppressed genetic and psychic material, ultimately rekindling the connection of the soul-body relationship.

To close, dear sister, I want you to know that womb reclamation work is soul-work.

If you choose this path, it will require a great deal from you. You’ll need to surrender to the twists and unpredictable turns of life, yielding and being receptive to the divine feminine as she stirs within you, illuminating what is in the dark, in order to restore you to your sovereign truth.

Be well, and take care for now.

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Yoni Practice + Ritual

Here is a guide for tending and caring for your precious and divine yoni. A yoni steam, also known as vaginal steaming, is an indigenous practice involving the use of specific herbs that cleanse, purify and tone the vagina and cervix. Before starting your yoni steam, take a moment to get centered with yourself by sitting cross legged on the floor, close your eyes, and place both hands on your womb forming an upside down V. Both thumbs should be touching, as well as both pointer fingers. Take a few deep breaths in and out, slowly guiding your consciousness down into the black expansiveness of your womb. Take some time breathing here, connecting, and tuning in. State silently or aloud that you are willing and ready to be in divine communion with your womb. Take this moment to also state your intentions for your yoni steam today. It can be to clear the energies of past lovers, to heal any ailments such as fibroids, or to clear generational stories that are burdening you. To close your meditation, thank your womb and ask it to receive the herbs.

Grab a big enough pot, pour some water in it. Bless the water, and thank it for its purifying properties. Take the herbs (I provide resources for that below) in your hands, and connect with them by gazing at them, taking in their colors and textures, smelling them, and feeling them. The idea is to infuse your intention into the herbs and offer your gratitude. Place your herbs into the pot with the water. Make sure there is enough water to herb ratio. 4-5 cups of water should be enough, and about ½ cup of herbs. Let it simmer and boil slightly, and then let it sit for about 3-5 mins to let it cool. Take your pot and place it on the ground or on a chair, and wrap a thick towel around it so you don’t burn yourself. Make sure to have a long dress or skirt that goes to your ankles. Squat over the pot for 20 minutes, allowing the steam to make its way through your vaginal canal. You can play meditation music or simply sit in silence as you feel into this practice.

I hope you enjoyed this mindful yoni ritual. You should feel rejuvenated and purified. You can do this once a month after your period to cleanse your vagina and start fresh after every cycle.

Resources to help you on your womb healing journey

• Free Yoni Steam Blend Guide - Access my uterine cleansing, blood building for irregular periods and hormonal balancing blends in this guide.

• DIY Yoni Steaming by Amy Colo - She shares specific instructions on how to steam.

• DIY Vaginal Steaming by the Yinova Center - They share a little bit of both from the 2 previous articles. 

• Castor Oil Packs by Wild Rose Medicine -  It has the ability to break up stagnation and move blood in the female reproductive area, soften masses and prevent the build up of excess endometrial tissue, increase circulation, reduce inflammation, and restore normal periods.

• For newbies, you can buy pre-made vaginal steam blends on Etsy or from Honey Dew Holistics. I personally haven’t used Honey Dew Holistics, but I know other women who have, and they recommend them. For folks experienced with herbs, you can forage them yourself or buy them from your trusted neighborhood apothecary.

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